"How Come God Won't Let Us Have Another Baby?"

This is one of the rare questions I get from my 5 year old as I barely discuss my IVF process with him. With my seven year old, I do tell him that I am going to be going to the doctor a lot in the next month but I am not sick. I tell my oldest that I need a little help from Doctors to have another brother or sister for him. Logan doesn't know where babies come from but I believe he thinks they come from doctors and/or God. Jackson on the other hand see me raising my fist in jealously for the Duggars of almost 19 kids or families with multiples or when my friend with 5 kids comes over. He sees me pray for a baby with them at the end of their bedtime prayers or cry when another procedure fails. I try not to burden the little ones too much and let them know how special they are to me and how happy I was to have them. They love their birth stories and I tell the stories with a little embellishment here and there. My Mom worries that they'll feel like "they are not enough for me or that I overburden them with my fertility problems too much". I really try not too but when I am hormonal, tired and short fused, I have to apologize. Or when I can not pick them up or swing them around or have to lay in bed for 3 days, I kinda have to explain things a little.

Back to the "God" question. Through this Infertility process I believe I have really grown as a Christian/Catholic/Religious person. I grew up believing that you get what you pray for. "God answers your prayers". Pray to your Guardian Angel, St. Rafael, St. Rita, Pope John Paul II, St. Gerard (I have 50 medals and prayer cards from St. Gerry)...Believe you me, I have prayed to them all and then some. Some IVF's I just prayed to a few, some to them all...
In Church, I pray and pray and pray. Barely can I kneel by The Blessed Virgin Mary without crying...I have balled my eyes out in Church. I even made the mistake of going to see the Hot, Young Priest who I thought would be cool to the ways of the young Catholic. Well, heck no. Don't you know that in the eyes of the Church that IVF is MORALLY EVIL!!!! I told the priest that I was not coming to him to ask for his permission to do IVF, I just needed some prayers and things I could do spiritually to get me through the next IVF. To be fair, he was just doing his job and he did give me some prayers and told me to pray to the angels and my guardian angel but after 40 minutes of me crying and my nose running, the hot, young priest stood up and ushered me out of his door. Don't think I'll be going back to the church for counseling.
Here is what I have learned though. I have taken comfort in praying both in and out of the church, my guardian angels I feel are looking out for me, I have angels on earth helping me (friends and family) and that God really is not telling me who could or could not get pregnant. I don't think he says "well, why don't we give Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar a 19th child and Melanie and Dan...let's make them go through another IVF cycle and throw in a cyst and how about some other problems.." I believe that God is really holding my hand and standing beside me and there for me for whatever happens. Yes, I will look back and say...well, now I understand. But for now, I do take comfort that he is here right now with his hand on my shoulder. He is also here saying "get off the computer and go watch a little TV and get to bed so you are not a grouch tomorrow!". UGG...gotta go stick myself in the stomach with some Follistim!